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Believe in Yourself - and Take Charge of Your Life
Life Just Happens — Choose to Change
It's All in the Attitude — Viewing Life Differently
The Chair — A poem about the Power of Positive Thinking
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Hear Suzanne Mintz Interviewed about Caring for the Caregiver
Suzanne Mintz, President/Co-Founder of NFCA was interviewed on The Group Room® radio show, a
syndicated cancer talk show on XM Satellite radio. On December 10, 2006, she was one of three
guests on a program dedicated to caring for the family caregiver.
click here to listen:
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Family caregiving is about a relationship between many people.
Choosing to take charge of your life means you recognize that
you are only one member of the caregiving team. Making active
choices in your own best interests is not selfish; rather it
is often the most important choice you can make for your
entire family.
As we travel through life one thing is for certain we will meet
head-on with "life changes." It is said, "Life happens while we
are busy making plans." We can try resisting change; however change
is our constant traveling companion - and sometimes an unwelcome
guest.
Unexpected changes tend to unnerve us and make us feel uncomfortable
- it's like traveling through uncharted waters without a compass.
At times change can make no sense - it either comes on too quickly
or evolves too slowly. As we travel between life changes it is the
unfamiliar road in between when one route ends and a new route begins
when we feel the most uncomfortable.
Becoming a family caregiver is one of those life changes which
can occur suddenly and without warning, or it can evolve slowly
over time. However, regardless of the events which place us in
the caregiving role, it is the unfamiliarity of the uncharted
waters which cause us the most distress. If we choose to constantly
fight change we will struggle our entire lives. We need to find a
way to embrace these changes or at the least accept them.
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Life Just Happens
One important technique is to view such life changing events as not something which happen “to us” but rather a life change which “just happens.” Viewing our role as a family caregiver from this context and making the conscious effort to say “I choose to step in this role as a family caregiver” can go a long way in eliminating our feeling of being a |
“Everything negative has a
positive side. Keep on
looking until you find it.”
--Betty,
Deerfield Beach, FL.
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victim. Somewhere along our journey it is vitally important that we stop, take a
breath, and try to gain some control over the situation, rather
than allowing the situation to control us. It is vitally important
that we make the conscious decision to take charge of our lives.
Taking charge of our lives, what does that truly entail? Obviously we cannot
control everything which happens to us or to our loved ones; however, what we
can do is make active choices about how we are going to deal with the circumstances
surrounding such life changes by consciously, despite how we are feeling, to take a
positive proactive stance by choosing to acknowledge we do have options.
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Recognizing
this is critical if we are going to give ourselves permission to actively make choices
and not allow ourselves to constantly be on the receiving end of unpleasant consequences.
We can actively choose to:
- Set limits on what we can comfortably achieve without risk to ourselves
and our loved ones.
- Be flexible and realize as circumstances change so do our choices and
abilities.
- Allow our loved ones to do as much for themselves as they possibly can
so they can maintain a sense of control and self perceived independence.
- Recognize our strengths and acknowledge our limitations.
- Learn to say “no.”
- Ask for help.
- Take time for respite.
Always remember, making active choices in your own interest is NOT selfish rather it
is often the most important choice you can make for your entire family.
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It's all in the ATTITUDE
Attitude impacts action. Our inner thoughts propel our outward actions. Sometimes the way we approach any given situation is based upon our perspective of it. We can ignore the rainbow after the rainstorm or choose to bask in all its luminous glory. One example of insightful change of perception is exhibited in the following story:
The following poem was written by a family caregiver after her husband got his first wheelchair. This was actually the second poem she wrote on the subject. The first was very dark. It reflected all of her mixed emotions and fears about the future. She ripped it up and then wrote this one. It’s called The Chair.
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“Just fake it! Act as if . . . then it makes
it easier to be cheerful.
Soon, you will
actually feel positive. It's a decision,
not a feeling.”
--Nancy, Odessa, TX |
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The Chair – A poem about the Power of Positive Thinking
It sits there at the crest of the beach, on the rise just before the
sand dips towards the water's edge.
A lone beach chair, seemingly abandoned.
It's a jaunty chair with its yellow striped canvas seat and
sailboats floating on its blue and yellow back support.
It lists just a bit to the left, almost rakishly, as it nestles in
the sand, surveying the sea.
It is a chair made just for sitting, and sitting on the sand at that.
It has no legs to get in the way of stretching out, relaxing,
and letting the sun seep into your bones and warm your soul.
It is so unlike another chair I know. A black chair with wheels.
A chair that does not survey the vastness of the ocean with a jaunty air,
but rather a chair that defines a narrower kingdom.
And yet, I think this other chair is a happier chair than the one that
sits and stares out to sea, for it is a chair with wheels that take the
place of legs no longer able to propel their owner forth.
This other chair is not made for sitting and looking at the world.
It is a chair built for exploring, for meeting life face to face and
tasting of its spirit.
Perhaps this chair should have a seat of yellow and white stripes,
and a back support adorned with sailboats.
A far better statement of its adventurous and joyous possibilities.
--Suzanne Mintz |
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