The Family Caregiver Forum
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Welcome to the NFCA's Family Caregiver Forum - a place where all family caregivers can post questions, receive support and communicate with others.
Tigger
Posts: 44
Joined: Jul 2010
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Tuesday July 27, 2010 6:59 PM
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Hi all,
I am really hoping that someone here can help me to get my head screwed back on. The story is a long one, I suggest grabbing your beverage of choice and settling in.
Last August, my partner and I were chatting about our plans for the day. It was around 10 in the morning. He suddenly had- not chest pain, exactly, but *something* wrong. I took a quick pulse- 100 or in that neighborhood and not regular- and dialed three numbers. Left him long enough to open the garage door for the nice paramedic people. By that point, he was telling me that whatever it was had passed and he didn't know if he really NEEDED to go to the hospital. The EMT that got there first didn't give him any options about going and neither did I.
Hospital tells us that he has irregular heartbeat and want to keep him at least over night. His Dad has a similar issue so we heaved a sigh of relief and were grateful that it seemed to be a relatively simple issue.
We were SO wrong.
I got to the hospital early the next morning so I got to hear the hospitalist review the tests that they had done, including the x-ray. I had been an ER nurse years ago but I can still read an x-ray fairly well. Most other kinds of tests too- like a CT.
The x-ray showed us that his lung was no longer lung shaped and had moved his heart and windpipe out of the way. CT showed a 10 cm tumor in his lung, a 7 cm tumor on his kidney and a 5 cm tumor on one adrenal. Later that day, the pulmonologist dropped in and gave us the "C" word. Definitely cancer, the only unknown was what kind.
Extensive small cell lung cancer. Unlike other cancers that stage to estimate survivability, small cell comes in two flavors- limited and extensive. Extensive is NOT the better of the two.
Chemo began almost immediately- right after they got his heart stabilized. Cisplatin and Etoposide, three consecutive days every three weeks. Two days after his last chemo, I was calling 911 again. Pulmonary embolisms. Will the fun never end?
Chemo resolved all tree of the tumors according to the CT but there was still a spot on his lung that they decided to radiate. 30 sessions.
By this time, I am heartily sick and tired of the staff at the hospital for a ton of reasons and I am feeling like my life is being run by the oncology group and disease. I quit sleeping well the day he came home from the hospital and I am well aware that I am living on the edge. I tried reaching out to the support group at the hospital but gave that up the day I heard the social worker that runs the group tell me that I needed to remember that my partner's needs must always come first and that if I had any issues it was essentially tough. All righty then. REAL supportive.
I finally reminded my partner that the reason we were going through all this was to give him more QUALITY of life as well as extend it. We decided to take an extended vacation that would include a cruise to Alaska- something he had always wanted to do.
We had to do a follow up CT scan first and do the check back with the radiation oncologist. Discovered that he now had four tumors to replace the set of three that we started with. Back to the medical oncologist who confirmed the new tumors and wants to start a new chemo. Partner agreed to the new chemo... after we got back from Alaska.
We cut our trip back a bit so that we could start the new chemo in early June. This one isn't as brutal on him as the first but they all have their sides. In the mean time, we are doing such exciting things as buying his final resting place and looking critically at the house to determine what we will need to change as he becomes more limited. We've learned how to engage hospice when he is ready to quit chemo and move to palliative care. His cancer is, very literally, the center of the world.
Today was the third cycle. They have FINALLY ordered the CT scan and a cranial MRI... like I have been asking for since he was baselined. I only had to go postal on them.
I have searched for a support group that actually understands that, as difficult as this all is on him, it's ripping me apart. I am only 47 and having to look hard at the fact that I will bury him WAY too young. This man is my heart and soul. He is also not destined to live long. I can't just ignore that my stress level is through the roof and that I am, very realistically- and reasonably- grieving.
When he was first diagnosed, I got all kinds of "let me know what I can do to help" offers. Riiight. A year later, I can tell you that those offers mean nothing. I get told that if I need help coping, I have to reach out. I have been doing that non stop since around September. So far, no good. Any more, I am terrified of crying because I am afraid that I will just never stop.
Just to keep things interesting, I have high blood pressure and some cardiac issues along with COPD that I am trying to ignore for the moment, and ADHD. I take medication for the ADHD and it helps but the heavier my stress load, the less it can do.
The ADHD brings its own issues to the table. My brain is an interesting place- it can be very difficult to sequence things properly, carry a task to completion, focus on specific things, and remember things. What I am finding weird is that I can literally tell you his entire medical history, what medications he is taking routinely, what his chemo is and how long it runs, name it. I sometimes have to check my driver's license to remember my own name.
I'm feeling trapped and I don't know what to do about it or for it. I know that I need help but I haven't got the first clue where to go or what to do. I am so tired of feeling like a failure every single second of every single day.
I'm open to suggestions. REALLY open to suggestions.
Thanks for listening.
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Tigger
Posts: 44
Joined: Jul 2010
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Tuesday July 27, 2010 10:08 PM
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(((hugs))) Gaby. I'll keep coming back, believe it. My sister is the caregiver to my father- senile dementia, cardiac issues, and grieving for my Mom- and I can see what it does to her. She has the help of my two younger sisters and my niece, but she essentially manages things. I know that this could seriously harm me in the long run so I am doing everything I can to keep that from happening.
One of the "features" of ADHD is very low self esteem. A lifetime of being told that you are lazy, crazy and stupid tends to do that. Toss in the toxic environment of the hospital that we can't avoid and you get people like me. I feel totally beaten down.
When I was a nurse, compassion was not optional, it was a requirement. PERIOD. I have found remarkably few people at that place that had any. What kills me is that no one seems to get it. I actually have a suicide attempt to my name and what I got told was to shape up and get with the program. Oh... and someone would prescribe anti-depressants if I wanted them. Lovely. ADs are NOT controlled and a doc can write you 90 days at a time. 90 days of just about ANY AD is enough to make certain that the next attempt is successful.
I can't take ADs without some VERY serious sides. I won't come near them.
(Irritation point and off topic) I take methylphenidate (Ritalin) to manage ADHD. It lets my brain stop the constant roller coaster and chatterbox it normally is, lets me focus properly, lets me function without debilitating anxiety, lets me actually DO things and NOT be scattered and undependable. My doc is required by law to see me every month and is only allowed to write a scrip for 30 days. I have a ton of people (Hi DEA) up my tail constantly and am accused of using ADHD- which we all know isn't a REAL disease (whatever)- to validate getting high. Riiight. I got up the other morning, took my 10 mg pill- speed by any other name- drank a cup of coffee, and fell back asleep within a 20 minute period of time. I can't get enough of my ADHD med to make a credible effort at suicide.
*sigh*
Sorry about the side rant- I run into enough ignorance with the hospital around my ADHD to last me. I thought that a hospital MIGHT have educated people in it. I was WRONG.
I thought that I might find a group that gets ADHD and ALSO gets how hard being a caregiver can be. Nope. ~7% of the population has ADHD. Only ~3% are actually diagnosed and treated. I think I saw that ~40% of the population was in a caregiving role. ~20% of people are diagnosed with a life threatening illness every year- but I didn't see the research behind that estimate so I could be WAY off.
Regardless, I have been challenged to find a group that allows people to say things like, "This ISN'T fluffy bunnies and joy all the time! I'm losing my marbles here!" Most will tell you that your only recourse is positive thinking. WHAT???
I was told by the hospital that I was thinking too negatively and that would kill my partner. WTF??? The cancer will do a MUCH better job of killing him than I ever could and I would prefer him alive, thank you!
Dear Lord... The stuff that is pouring out of my brain... I have needed someone to talk to for so long and did not realize how much I need to get this out. I am so sorry.
I hate this. I REALLY hate this.
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morenews1
Posts: 124
Joined: Dec 2009
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Tuesday July 27, 2010 10:15 PM
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Dear Tiger, i am not sure i can advice much.
but i understand how difficult, painful your life is. and i am talking about you now, as caregiver.
you have your own issues with health, how to find time to take care of yourself, how to find energy for yourself, if your partner is your priority.
and stress...it does horrible things to someone health.
i am thinking of you, and i am praying about you.
i get horrible anxiety very often, and i get totally uneffective and feel sick in that state.
i am coping with fear to get seriosly sick because of all that.
so we should find ways to cope on daily basis, to manage stress. i am trying to do breathing routines, go to the gym, talk to myself(yes, it helps as well), try to get away, to do something else, not just caregiving.
it is important for us. i hope you can do those things.
i have realised that it will not going away, we have to live thru this task and responsibility, but we have to not kill ourselves in the process.
please take care of yourself, and we are here to listen and to give your a virtual hug.
we are together, never alone.
m.
-------------------------
God help us, m.
Edited: Tuesday July 27, 2010 at 10:16 PM by morenews1
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rzxq2y
Posts: 1603
Joined: Jun 2009
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Tuesday July 27, 2010 10:38 PM
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Hi, Tigger,
I just want to welcome you to the forum. I am glad to see that you are already quite active here. It is a great outlet for a lot of us.
What a suuden turn of life for you and your partner! It is heaqrt breaking. There are so much you are dealing with, and you are dealing with ADHD. My daugter is a beautiful, intelligent, compassionate girl (not a girl any more). In herr teens, she felt depressed, lack of self-esteem (even though she was doing well in school), and disorganized. It took several years before she waqs diagnosed with ADHD. Before her psychiatrist found the right of dosage of Ritalin for her, her life was a mess.Right now, she actualli is managing her life without Ritalin. Hopefully your doctor will find the right dose for you to make your life a little bit more tolerable.
Take one day at time, and treasure whatever time and quality of life you and your partner still have.
Best Regards,
Min-Shih
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Tigger
Posts: 44
Joined: Jul 2010
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Tuesday July 27, 2010 10:55 PM
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(((hugs))) morenews!
You hit a point that has been seriously nagging me. Getting sick and all the fear that goes with that.
I had the heart attack in Feb and was out of bed and the hospital as quick as I could. The fear that consumes me is that I might not be healthy enough for the hospital to deem be "adequate" as a caregiver.
In April, I had some post menopausal bleeding (not a good sign) that needed to be investigated. I had- and have- a large intrauterine cyst but it ISN'T cancerous. They told me to take hormones to deal with it. I am a breast cancer survivor. Hormones are NOT a good plan.
Regardless, I spent way too many agonizing hours terrified that I would not be able to manage my partner's needs.
It is horrible that we get so stuck in a place where we can't even say that we have needs. How are we supposed to continually provide care without a place where it is okay to have needs of our own?
Some of the ways I deal with anxiety might be helpful for you.
I write. I have a book that lives in my bag and has a pen clipped to it. There is all kinds of stuff in there- recipes, directions, journalling, you name it. When I hit the stress and anxiety wall, I write.
I take a Stress B Complex vitamin twice daily. I checked with the doc and he tells me this is safe. It seems to help.
I explore my anxiety. I try to understand what is fueling it.
I pray. I listen to music that lets me feel less anxious. It's an odd mix- Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train" and Phillips, Craig, and Dean's "The Blessing In The Thorne.
I act "as if". For use with horribly toxic people in unfriendly environments. I become an actor on a stage and say all the right words and look the part. It is very draining and requires that I take a walk and even throw harmless things harmlessly for awhile.
I LOVE your last line and will hold it in my heart- We are together, never alone.
I have felt so terribly alone for so long. Those words really reached out to me. Thank you!
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Star1
Posts: 299
Joined: Sep 2008
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Wednesday July 28, 2010 8:43 AM
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I was dodging the sleep police as well last night at 1:30, Dave, that's why I was only reading here! Min-Shih, your reputation is getting around 
Welcome, Tigger. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I totally agree with Dave about getting your paper work in order [like POA] because even with a marriage certificate and legal guardianship I have run into some idiots in the medical field who have no respect for my position!! [The medical profession has no shortage of idiots and in the past 16 years I have seen it deteriorate even farther.] It's scary at times to think your life or your loved ones life is in the hands of numbskulls! I have been taking care of David for 16 long years, I was 5 months pregnant when he decided to nearly kill himself in a car accident. Believe me, I have experienced my share of anger at him, at God, at the whole stinking, unfair world! I still fall into the anger trap sometimes, but, for the most part I have set it aside, it's too destructive.
Everything in my life for 16 years has been about David. It's not fair but, that's the way it is. We have home health aids and up until a year ago I still couldn't leave the house without one of them calling me with one sort of 'emergency' or another. The 2 we have now are a godsend! They are both capable of handling any problem with him and they only need me if it is a true emergency. I have even been looking for a part time job.
I really understand what you are going through with being a care giver. However, I don't have much understanding of ADHD. It must be tough to have a brain that races in all directions all the time! It's hard enough being a caregiver. David was hyperactive as a child and had the adult version of hyperactivity. [Is that what you mean?] When he had his brain injury it slowed his brain down but, now he really has a hard time with the jumbling thoughts, he says he feels like his brain is "skipping."
Try to take care of yourself [I know, it's not easy.] And come back here, it really does help to talk to people who know what you are going through. God Bless. Pam.
PS...........no offense to anyone in the medical profession who is truly a caring and wonderful individual! It's just that there are so few of you out there anymore.
Edited: Wednesday July 28, 2010 at 8:49 AM by Star1
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Tigger
Posts: 44
Joined: Jul 2010
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Thursday July 29, 2010 11:42 AM
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WOW!!! You guys are amazing to find.
Tired Dave- Getting all the papers in order with the hospital has been a nightmare, especially since they have a dozen different systems that don't talk to one another. We have filed the PoA with them several times and I keep a copy with me. I have a good friend who is also an attorney in a back pocket on the "just in case" plan. When we move to hospice care, they already know that I will kick them off case if they refuse to honor it.
We aren't married but seriously considering it based on the experiences we have had. We know that it isn't all of the solution but we also know that it will help a ton.
Star- My hat is really off to you! 16 years is a very long time. I am SO glad to hear that you have at least SOME help.
What you describe with David prior to the accident could have easily been sub-clinical Adult ADHD. It sounds like it goes back to his childhood which would be accurate for diagnosis. Not all ADHD shows hyperactivity per se. Some forms are considered inattentive. Since the brain injury it sounds like he is experiencing something similar to what I have been dealing with since childhood. An inability to marshall thoughts, prioritize, sequence, focus on task and completion of tasks, inability to grasp consequence for behavior, impulsivity, anxiety, worry, lack of tolerance for frustration, quick to anger... this may all or partially sound familiar.
I work really hard at keeping this all as controlled as I possibly can. Some days are better than others.
RaisingMe- I read every word of your blog and, believe me, that link is going to see some wide distribution. Every single word found resonance.
You are exactly right. I have reached a place where I just do NOT want to talk to people or be around them. I feel invisible for the most part and I feel marginalized. When I step up and ask the questions I need answers to, I get looked at like I'm nuts. When the anxiety that I live with every day starts to show, I get asked questions like, "Are you seeing someone for this?" As if I were the root cause. They never consider that by the time they see him, I have been living with issues daily and I need to speak to someone about them. I find it completely ridiculous that they don't see an issue with suddenly deciding that we DON'T need to speak with the oncologist and that speaking with his nurse or PA will do. I make appointments with the DOCTOR, I expect him to keep the appointments that are made with him or to hear that a substitution is being made BEFORE the appointment. But God help me if I say anything, I am immediately the problem.
Years of ADHD has taught me to walk away from a situation as soon as I am aware that I am not managing it. But if I do that, it is further "proof" of my incompetence. I am sick to death of being treated like I am stupid and WRONG in everything , every day. And reach out for help? Been there, done that. Won't make that mistake again.
I'm in the US. He won't qualify for any kind of assistive care until we engage hospice. We won't do that until we have decided that we have gone as far as we can with chemo. He can't receive hospice care until he has chosen palliative care only.
Morenews- remember that a huge project is really a bunch of little ones. Look at the project itself and look for milestones- the things that have to be accomplished before you can move on. Take each milestone as it's own project.
I was a PM when I still worked outside of the house. All project management really is, is task management. It's the trees that make up the forest.
When you find the anxiety is building, walk away immediately. Take a brisk walk around the parking lot or climb up and down stairs a few times. Do something to aerobically raise your heart rate. When you do that, you are letting your brain release chemicals that are calming. That will often counter a panic attack if you can catch it early.
Find something healthy that you can eat, play with, watch, whatever, that is calming. When you get into the place where you are overwhelmed, have those things available to you. The one that works for me is watching Mythbusters blow things up. I have several of my favorite explosions loaded on my Touch so that I can watch them any time I want. If I can, I will scrapbook a page or make a card. After he is in bed, I have time that I can do things that I can walk away from easily if he needs me. It helps.
(((hugs))) every one of you. You have no idea how important this lifeline is to me right now.
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rzxq2y
Posts: 1603
Joined: Jun 2009
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Thursday July 29, 2010 10:50 PM
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Hi, Tigger, I am so glad that you have found this forum and have already made some good cyber friends. I also appreciate that you ar4e sharing your experiences and thoughts to help others. This is really a great community and a safe environment. I hope that you will continue to come back and share with us when you have time. I also hope that your partner got the new pain relief prescription and that it helps. I know that pain management can be a very difficult issue.
I hope that the upcoming CT scan and MRI will prove you wrong. But indeed there is the possibility that you are right. I do not want to overly alarm you. One of my sisters-in-law is an oncologist. I have learned from her that if the original main tumers are removed but not all the cancer cells are irradicated, the remaining cancers cells can become more aggressive.
Hi, all my friends, ADHD is indeed a real brain disorder, not by choice and not contrived. But quite often even doctors miss diagnose it. Ny daughter suspected for a number of years that she has had ADHD. But her primary care physician thought that she had depression. She saw several psychiatrists and they also tried to treat her as if she had depression. One psychiatrist did do a fairly thorough evaluation. My daughter told me that the result pretty much clearly indicated ADHD, but the psychiatrist dismissed the evidence because she had good grades in school. Depression was not the cause for her problems. She got depressed as a result of ADHD wreaks havoc with her brain. Finally she found this psychriatrist who was quite understanding and treated her with Ritalin. She told me that she thinks this psychiatrist himself has ADHD. ADHD make it so difficult to manage one's life, let alone be a caregiver.
Hope that all have a decent night of sleep. It is so important, especially to caregivers.
Best Regards,
Min-Shih
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raisingme
Posts: 16
Joined: Jul 2010
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Friday July 30, 2010 12:53 AM
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Number one - positive thinking absolutely sucks the hind one when you are in a negative beyond your control situation with all the various negative mood levels you go through. There is no using singing positive affirmations in the theatre of your mind if the music produced by your moods is not in alignment with them. Positive attitudes and thoughts would probably work quite nicely if we were just human minds rather than human BEINGS!
With my husband in ICU yet again and my oldest daughter, teaching full time as well as working on her Masters in Education got diagnosed with colon and possibly ovarian cancer as well, my youngest daughter's boyfriend of two years broke up with her. She was an emotional wreck all round. I was having a difficult time dealing with it all so I set up for her to see a Social (and I use the term loosely) Worker (again loosely). As my youngest sat in the SW's office pouring her heart out the stupid woman kept interrupting her to take a phone call. At one point she even got up and left the room without so much as a word when my daughter was in mid-sentence. The only good outcome of that was she went from grief to p i double ssed which is at least a move up the mood scale. We went directly from that appointment to my oldest daughter's school to give her a hand in the classroom cleaning up after the day and marking papers. My oldest daughter was facing the removal of her entire large intestine plus both ovaries at the ripe old age of 26 (barely). She was a bundle of nerves, her hemoglobin was so low they were considering a blood transfusion and she was worried about setting up her classroom so someone could take her place in her upcoming absence in such a way that it would least impact 'her children'.
The last thing you need is someone treating you like you're nuts! I defy even Pollyanna to go through some of the stories in these forums and come out blowing bluebirds up where the sun don't shine. Some people, including health care 'professionals' act like anxiety, stress and depression are brought on by some feeble mindedness on the part of the caregiver. The thing that helped me in 'raisingme' is the day I said out loud to myself, "I AM NOT MY STORY!" That helped me to separate myself from what I was experiencing because I got horribly lost in the experience.
If there is no respite to be had then look for volunteer organizations in your area, if not to look after your partner directly then at least to take some of the load off of you. Also, there are companies that make and deliver meals at a reasonable price and you can order a week's supply at a time. That helped me immensely. The dumb dumb social worker regardless of what they tell you has access to the contact numbers for organizations that can help you. Insist on them giving you that VITAL information. We pay $55 (subsidized) to have a caregiver in once a week for 6 hours. I don't know what wages are like where you live but at $10/hr. you could get 5 hours a week. It has made a huge difference to me. The price of the meals is less than what it would take me to make them. I get dinners and some soups or smaller meals for lunches but I generally take care of breakfast and lunch. Churches have volunteers that come in an read to patients or play cards with them if they are up to it.
If I had one more person tell me "Look after yourself" I was going to take someone's head clean off. I didn't even know what that looked like anymore or where to start. It is amazing what happens when you find one key person who does listen. I kept talking until I found one.
I have free long distance and am as near to you as the phone if you need someone to talk to. I have two large ears which I inherited from my grandfather and I know how to use them.
Big Hugs, J (raisingme)
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Tigger
Posts: 44
Joined: Jul 2010
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Friday July 30, 2010 11:42 AM
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With the new scrip- Vicodin that he can take every two hours if he needs to- he actually got some sleep last night. Hallelujah! He got up this morning feeling better than he has for awhile. He uses as little of the medication as he possibly can but it will hopefully keep him comfortable until we can get the results of the scans planned for next week.
Min-Shih- Small cell is one of the most aggressive cancers there is. They only did radiation at the site they believe it originated and didn't radiate at either of the other two sites. For all we know, the tumors went away but the chemo left living cells. The lung tumor going away was a really important need as it was threatening his heart. But the tumor from one adrenal spread to the other, the one on his kidney came back and there is a new one on his pancreas. The new scan will cover ALL internal organs and brain so that we (finally) have a baseline on just exactly how much cancer we are really dealing with.
If it turns out I am right that the current chemo is not effective, I am seriously thinking about engaging a new oncologist. My partner is a WHOLE person, not just his tumors. It really seems to me that they fail to see this at all.
Star- you AREN'T crazy. You DO have to be a bear to get anyone to listen. I'm fortunate that our GP has been as good to deal with as he is. He actually asks questions and LISTENS to the answers. And he passes information on to the Oncology group. That helps more than I can say, but I often feel like I have to play a stupid game of "Telephone" to just be heard.
You're right. I hear all the cr*p about how much they care about the caregiver. Yeah sure. The part they miss is that I SEE how much they care. Wasn't there a wise person who observed that actions speak louder than words? Yeah, I think I remember that correctly!
Your State Rep is an @ss. But I see I don't need to tell you that. I would love to see her tossed into this role. By her logic, I could just walk away and leave my beloved to... what? Die alone? This is better HOW??? I chose to fall in love with a healthy man and commit my life to him. I'm not CHOOSING to be a widow before I am 50!
RaisingMe- you are SOOOOOO right. If I am caught in the difficulty, someone telling me that it will "be alright" is NOT going to be heard. And if they are heard, it will not be with pleasure. And "look after yourself" is just as unacceptable, especially when I hear it from people who, in the next breath, are quick to tell me that my first job is to take care of my partner. So which is it? Because sometimes the two are mutually exclusive. Even with him in fairly good shape at the moment, there is still a whole lot of work to be done to prepare for what is coming. Guess who gets to (a) do that work, (b) drive it?
About those ears, don't be terribly surprised to find me on the other end of the phone. That goes both ways.
Dave- I agree completely. Mental illness SHOULDN'T carry stigma. Unfortunately, ADHD has been VERY controversial. Opinions range from an understanding that it is a real thing to people who refuse to believe it exists. In a middle range, you get people who think that it makes you mentally incompetent or intellectually stunted. *sigh*
Mom took an anti depressant for years. It helped. As far as I am concerned, that is the only important thing.
Hey JJ- Finding this forum is an answer to prayer, it truly is. Just being able to talk about some of the frustrations has been a huge help. I have been journaling since this all began but that often doesn't serve to get it all out. Writing here helps a ton!
I am thinking of you and how you are doing with your new boundaries in place.
(((hugs))) to all of you wonderful people!
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rzxq2y
Posts: 1603
Joined: Jun 2009
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Friday July 30, 2010 10:22 PM
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Hi, Tigger, I am glad to know that Vicodine helps but sorry to know that you were right. I think that it is an good idea to look for another oncologist, whether the current one is not treating the tumor right or treating you and your partner right. At least you can get a second opinion. Throughout the years, my wife has changed doctors a number of times. Fortunately, now we have a set of neurologist, primary care, psychiatrist, and orthopedic surgeon that meet her needs and we have good relationships with them. Also fortunately they all know and accept my role and her caregiver.
Hi, Tigger and Amy, it will be so amazing of people in the forum actually gets to meet!
Hi, Dave, I totally agree with you that there is a host of mental illnesses that can be treated with medication today. That is probably why there used to be state asylums with up to tens of thousands of residents and now the state hospitals typically only have a few hundred clients. But even with medications available, still some mentall illnesses are regarded as all in your head?. In fact, my wife used to work for the state mental health system and she was not a total believers of some mental illnesses are real. Then she came down with severe depression. It took several change of doctors and numerous trial and error with medications until her current psychiatrist found the right medication at the right dosage for her. It was scary, since by then she has tried almost all the antidepressant and anti-anxiety medications on the market.
Hi, all, this is my humble opinion on positive thinking. In our situations, someone saying it will be all right is not positive thinking, not even reasonable wishful thinking. Fortunately no one has said that to me. I know trhat my wifes condition will get worse over time. There is no cure for Parkinsons disease and hers is progressing faster than most. Medication and exercises do slow down her loss of abilities, but that is essentially fighting a losing battle and trying to lose the battle as slow as possible. However, we do not let all the negative situations consume us either. We do try to cherish and improve whatever quality of life we still have. My thinking mostly is on what I can do differently to make our lives easier and a bit more pleasant for the present, and what I need to plan for the future, especially when her condition gets worse and I get older with less ability to take care of her. Do I have negative thoughts clogging my mind at times? Yes, then I call a time out for my brain.
Speaking of looking after myself, I need to go to bed soon now that I have settled my wife in and finished the chores.
Best Regards,
Min-Shih
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