The Family Caregiver Forum
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Welcome to the NFCA's Family Caregiver Forum - a place where all family caregivers can post questions, receive support and communicate with others.
iwanaplae2
Posts: 9
Joined: Aug 2008
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Friday August 22, 2008 4:21 PM
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I understand the feeling that your life is gone...and not that you said it, but I'm sure you have felt "stuck" for sometime now...I know I have. I have been caring for my mother-in-law for 4 years now. Up until the last 6 months it's been in her own home, and me running back and forth several times a day to do what was needed. Her calling at 6am (everyday!) to ask where her breakfast was...or at midnight to tell me she was hungry... <sigh> Last year her dementia had gotten worse, and her diabeties was out of control. So my hubby and I made the decision to move to a larger house and move mom in...This opened a whole other can of worms with the rest of the family. Even though they were never there to help, even when asked, suddenly they have "moms best intrest at heart"...ya whatever! I thought things would get better moving her in...but they have only gotten worse. Now i feel like I can't leave the house for very long, because she wanders and "get's lost" in the house. Because of the dementia and diabetes, there has had to be a lot of "behavioral modification", lots of new rules, and me sounding like the biggest b*tch around. Hubby had to learn a few things too. Like, even though his first instinct is to take moms side, understand that what I do is for her own good.
I know I'm rambling...sorry...
Having Mom here has been a huge strain on our marraige. I love her to death, but now I find myself feeling (guiltily) hoping for the day that she either passes away, or has a stroke or the dementia reaches that violent stage so we can put her in a home....
Hubby doesn't understand what I'm going through. I have tried to share my thoughts and feelings with him, but...we usually end up in a fight about it. So shove it down inside it is...
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Tired, cranky, and feeling stuck...
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squeekandbud
Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2008
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Sunday December 14, 2008 1:40 PM
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I feel your pain. I am there myself. I am the caregiver/daughter/legal guardian of a 62-year-old homeless mother who suffers from MS, bi-polar disorder with psychotic features, dementia, diabetes, etc., etc. She has been institutionalized for almost two years now. I became her legal guardian last month after a disastrous event where my mother signed herself out of a nursing home against medical advice during the height of a manic psychotic episode. She proceded to spend nearly $25,000 in less than 3 weeks (on credit cards that companies mailed her at a psychiatric hospital) that she can never repay, wreck a rental car, and called me when she bottomed out after a 9-state driving marathon during which she told everyone I was out to get her and she was being followed. I managed to fly to where she was holed up in a trashy motel, convince her to fly back to the nearest airport to her home state, and gave her a sleeping pill on the plane to avoid an F.A.A. mid-flight disaster. My husband picked us up at the airport, and my mother procedes to strangle me from the back seat. Police were called and they took her to hospital. She was there until Tuesday of this week when a judge decided that by my being her guardian it removed mother's ability to be in hospital voluntarily thus she became involuntary and the hospital failed to meet the burden of proof that she met 5 out of 6 criteria. She met 4, but since mother was med compliant and cooperating with staff, the judge said she was not an imminent and immediate danger to herself. I wanted her to stay, she wanted to stay, the doctors wanted her to stay, but the judge said it didn't matter. They sent mother home with my husband and me. She has done everything in her power to pi*# my husband off and isolate my from him.
She fell the day before yesterday (not unusual for her to fall) and I took her to the ER yesterday when there was no improvement in her ability to walk on her own. She dislocated her hip when she fell. The doc was able to put it back in its socket, but said she would have to stay overnight at very least and he wanted her to go to a nursing home for rehab. I felt relieved that they kept her, and that they want her to go to nursing home until I can find a permanent placement for her.
I understand your feelings. I am livid with the first nursing home for letting her sign herself out A.M.A. and that the doctors and social workers have provided next to no support for me and my family. They are rude, speak to you like it is your fault that your loved one is ill or you can't be with them 24-7, and speak as though you don't understand the complexity of their ailments.
Hang in there.
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squeekandbud
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iwanaplae2
Posts: 9
Joined: Aug 2008
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Tuesday January 27, 2009 11:29 AM
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So it was that time of year again...Senior services had to come and inspect the house in order to renew my license to take care of Mom. That was no big deal...make sure the house was clean, smoke detectors work, and new fire exstingisher. But they also had to meet with Mom. That was the part I worried about. I made sure to have no arguments with her for that last week, and didn't tell her they were coming...I could just hear her tell them she didn't want to live here anymore and that would have been it! Regardless of her dementia....so while we were doing the walk thru I proceeded to tell them all about her issues, so they would understand her better when they met her. She was deffinately caught off gaurd when they came to meet her in her room. She was on her best behavior and very polite...I was so proud! LOL Just like a Mommy proud of their child for being good around company.
The last few months have been hard on her. My husband (the only child she has left that has any contact with her) started a new job. He's now a truck driver, so he's gone for long periods of time...Mom has deffinate abandonment issues, so takes it very hard if he calls and doesn't talk to her at least once a day. She is already obsesive about so many things...money, mealtimes, and her stupid cat! Now with my Hubby gone she obsesses about him...has he called? Where is he now? When is he comming home??? And there is no explaining it to her...it's in one ear and out the other!
I have been trying to make sure I have "downtime" for myself...but it's hard. Not only am I taking care of Mom 24/7, but I'm also doing daycare to help with the bills. Sundays are my only day off from daycare, but that is spent cleaning the house...so I've been going out on friday nights to do Kareoke with my friends that run the kareoke show...of course they don't understand what I'm going thru either, and don't understand why I can't drink with them. Well for one I have daycare in the morning, and of course there is Mom. What if there is an emergency? I can't have been drinking....
<sigh> I keep thinking things will get better...but I'm wondering if that is just a fading dream....
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Tired, cranky, and feeling stuck...
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Maryelf
Posts: 439
Joined: Nov 2008
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Tuesday January 27, 2009 12:02 PM
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Wow - Iwanaplae2 - love that username!!
You sure have your hands full. Mom's in her transition, I guess & the dementia is from that so i go through some of the same things you do with MiL (in one ear & out the other - don't you wish you had one of those old fashioned ear trumpets & a plug for the other ear so it would go in & stay there?!?!) Can you tell I enjoyed cartoons & slapstick comedies as a kid?? LOL
It must be difficult with hubby on the road so much. Does your MiL interact wit the little ones at all?? I don't know how you do it. Mom's on hospice and has a social worker & I'm amazed - he never says anything about the house - if she was ambulatory maybe it would be different. But I have had to talk to her about her words - saying that I hurt her when the reality is that she's always in pain & when I make her turn to change her - a necessary evil - it hurts more but I am not hurting her...things like that. I explain that if she were a toddler & in her bed, soaking wet for two days (sometimes she refuses to let me change her because she's comfortable or doesn't know she's wet & doesn't believe me! so I have to wait for the Aide or the nurse) & the social worker came, I would be sent to jail & the toddler to a home. This is the same situation. If her social worker perceived a hazard or lack of care, out we'd go! He's relatively new to this arena - he's from child services so he's had to get used to some different methods but I still, after two years, worry about it. Just one misspoken sentence...
I'm glad everything passed inspection & Mom behaved. I swear, it's like payback in a way, isn't it?? What really bad things did we do as kids??? LOL
How great to karaoke every week! What do you like to sing? I've never actually done it but have come close. I lost the bucket I used to carry my tune in so I reserve it for the shower & car for the most part  Would love to hear about it! You're very responsible (not drinking). I have my own health issues but frequently can't take certain meds - for pain, muscle relaxers, etc., because it's just Mom & I, 24/7. If I know she's going to sleep for a while, that's one thing but there are many more nights like tonight - she's been asleep maybe 2 hours now?? Not a peep. It's unusual if she doesn't call me multiple times in her sleep.
You said she was obsessive about money. Daddy was like that - always had to have a couple of hundred dolars in his wallet & at the end even insisted on carrying his wallet in his pj's - no pockets? just stuck it in his pants or tucked the top in & stuck it in the top. He grew up in the Depression & it affected him his whole life. Especially with Alzheimer's or Dementia...you never really know what is going on in their minds...the information is all there but they can't get to it. Daddy knew what was happening to him. Mom, with the onset of dementia & hallucinations is in total denial. It's hard.
You are amazing & your hubby is so lucky to have a wife who takes such good care of his mother - especially when he's often absent! Hope you have a great week & know you'll have Friday night to look forward to!
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God bless,
Mary
"I have one child...she's 83..."
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Maryelf
Posts: 439
Joined: Nov 2008
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Wednesday January 28, 2009 7:10 AM
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Well I'll play with you!! LOL
Daddy had Alzheimer's so he looked at me if I was with him whenever someone asked him a question...on one of his last doctor visits before going onto hospice, the doc (he's my doc, too) asked him, "John are you in any pain?" & Daddy just looked at me. I smiled and said, "Daddy I can tell him just about everything about you but only you can say if you're in pain...I have no way to tell" & he just shrugged. lol
Someone I worked retail with had been a geriatrics nurse & he had a lot of dealings with Alzheimer's patients. He said one lady's family brought her a cake for her birthday & she proceeded to her closet with her piece & tried to put it on a coathanger.
I was really lucky in that Daddy didn't get as bad as many of the stories you hear.
Mom has had all out hysterical hallucinations. She woke me up screaming & crying that the baby was on the floor & crying & no one was picking him up - then she said the baby was her brother - He died just prior to his ninth birthday in the late 1930's!! That was jst a start. She told me to go into the garage & make sure my dad & her uncle had their sweaters on...I told her they were both dead & she said 'well, don't tell them that!', I said 'Uncle Mo's been dead for over twenty years, I think he knows'
Frequently she thinks other people are here or goes ballistic when I try to change her (scratching, trying to bite or kick me, hitting, digging fingernails into me...) all because I'm trying to clean her!
Mom doesn't feel buggy, etc., either. We live day to day & we learn, right?
Hope today is a good day at your house!
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God bless,
Mary
"I have one child...she's 83..."
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iwanaplae2
Posts: 9
Joined: Aug 2008
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Wednesday January 28, 2009 11:54 AM
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Thankfully Mom hasn't started in with the biting, scratching, or hitting (I've heard the horror stories of Her mother, and what they went thru). She has raised her hand to me once, took one look at me and thought better of it. And once while she was throwing one of her "toddler" fits, she shoved her walker thru her bedroom doorway causing it to topple over(it's front heavy with the little oxygen tank on it)...of course she went down with it! Then accussed me of pushing her down. I said "no mam I did not!" I could tell she wasn't hurt other than her pride, so I just sat in her room while she continued to throw her temper tantrum on the floor. When she stopped yelling and kicking on the floor I asked her if she was done, she said yes and I said then get up! Once she was seated on the edge of her bed, I began to explain to her (I know pointless right?) that acting like a 2yr old was not ok, and that I would not tollerate that behavior. Of course her response was well I'll just find somewhere else to live. So then i reminded her that she couldn't live on her own, and that the rest of the family had cut her off, and we were all she had...so it was us or a home >period!< After that I went for a nice long walk! I had to cool off lol. We haven't had any issues like that for a while now...<keeping fingers crossed>
["Mom has had all out hysterical hallucinations. She woke me up screaming & crying that the baby was on the floor & crying & no one was picking him up - then she said the baby was her brother - He died just prior to his ninth birthday in the late 1930's!! That was jst a start. She told me to go into the garage & make sure my dad & her uncle had their sweaters on...I told her they were both dead & she said 'well, don't tell them that!', I said 'Uncle Mo's been dead for over twenty years, I think he knows'"]
See that's the kind of dreams I was talking about...then I have to try to convince her that there was no baby here...or that her daughter wasn't here. OH and she swears that her bedroom is upstairs... in our single level ranch style home lol. She has even walked out of her room and asked me how to GET TO her room...then I have to walk her back into room and show her her bed and TV and all her stuff...she still won't believe it's her room.
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Tired, cranky, and feeling stuck...
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uglyasamudfence
Posts: 231
Joined: Jan 2009
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Wednesday January 28, 2009 1:57 PM
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oh my gosh, we have the same mother!
Your grandmother had this also????
My sister and I have come to the conclusion that our grandmother may have also had this but was kept from talking so people didn't catch on. We only had minimum of contact with mother's family. They ALL live together in SE Iowa. Dad used to rail about how stupid they were, mother never defended them. They were my aunts and uncles and I loved them..seemed fine to me (when I was 16/17. ) There are a couple hundred of them, over 300 now, all aunts, uncles, first cousins their kids and grandkids. I had not been around them in almost 40 years when I went up there in 2007 to look after mother. I am still overwhelmed at their sheer stupidity. Even walking and talking at the same time is a feat for these people. The top notch education that I enjoyed from the State of Iowa is NOT, I repeat NOT statewide.
When I got up there I put my son's bed in the picture window so he could enjoy the seasons change and just plain have something pleasant to look at in that teeny tiny house that reeked of urine and poo. Also had a secret staircase where boys would go to bang on the piano and just dance and dance, kept mother up at night, later I would sneek up there to stomp on the floor and bang on the piano just to agrivate her. I asked her several times, when she would get really nasty about the nightly noise, to show me the stairway. It was located in the crack of a door and she said she didn't know how to open it but she saw people use it all the time.
I guess I took a hit from mothers family for putting my son on "display" as everyone walks everywhere and there was constant foot traffic in front of the house. My son enjoyed this, he can't walk but he enjoyed seeing other people do it.
One of the reasons I love the south. We don't hide our crazies, we stick 'em on the front porch so everybody can enjoy 'em.
I'm all giddy and excited about iwanaplae2's post. I just can't contain myself...so much I want to just spill out on these pages today.... it will be people like us that put the pieces together for those that follow behind us.
Thank you, Thank you, for your post. I feel "bad"? about telling mother the truth. Her neurologist in Iowa City insisted that what ever they said had to be agreed with. In a previous post I had told the timeline of getting there to look after mother. How it was tears when I left to go get my kids and move up there and sheer evil hatred when I returned. This was alledgely because two women had come and taken advantage of her. (That would have been my sister and I to get the papers in order for me to look after her....this at the request of her brother, I'll call "Norman Bates") Of course I was the only one called, I called my sister as they don't like her any better than mother does/did. Probably because she was able to visit, when mother allowed it, and I didn't travel because of my son. They were busy cleaning her out, house and bank accounts and certainly didn't need one of her kids hanging around. I was there for ten months before anyone even offered to pick us up something from the store because they were going anyway. One cousin, one time.
I ramble so....I don't think they expected me to show up or to do anything for mother after all that she had "done" to me in my life. Surprise Surprise Surprise as Gomer Pyle would say.
ANYWAY, the entire problem of mother's violence and hatred for me was because they all just agreed with her. Yes, women came and took advantage of you! Not the truth, they were your daughters and did what we asked them to do.
I want to leave you with a smile....
One night up in Iowa I was trying to see the news for the first time in days, tiny tiny house, I had to have my back to mother to see the TV, this was not allowed, she kept trying to make me get back in my "chair by the stove" then all at once, louder than I had heard her talk in years she announced.. ""I HAVE THE CLAP""
I got up, turned around, and said "Mother, you have my undivided attention!"
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Caregiver for TBI (at age 20) son for 17 years, bedridden, tube fed, mute, caregiver for my mother with severe dementia/Alzheimer's for 20 months, until her death, Mar/2009. Not so quietly crazy.
Edited: Wednesday January 28, 2009 at 2:31 PM by uglyasamudfence
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Maryelf
Posts: 439
Joined: Nov 2008
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Thursday January 29, 2009 12:17 AM
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Oh, Mud!! ROFLMAO
You win - you & your Mom are funnier than us!!!
Iwannaplae2 - I'm so glad that things are a bit better today - so far!
Daddy used to insist he had to go 'upstairs' (Mom's done it a time or two) - we haven't lived in a two-story house since 1979. All Daddy could talk about for a while was 'taking your mother home..have to get her home..." Even tried pulling her out of bed once & she kept saying "I can't, Johnny - I can't walk..." My sister finally figured out that he was talking about the SanFrancisco Bay Area. They both came from there & moved down to SoCal in 1964. Mom has always hated it down here. It was like he was trying to make her happy before he left her.
Daddy would get confused about the house - that he wanted to go home. I'd explain he was & he'd say "No"..I'd point out his things & still it was "No!" I had given them Peter Falk's autobiography for Christmas & he was reading it..had even marked some pages with a black marker (Never would have written in a book before). I showed him the book & told him, "See, here's your book" "No, not mine" "Look, here's where you wrote in it" "Nope. I have that book & I wrote in it like that but that's not mine, mine is at home" 
Finally I asked if he knew who I was & he said "Yes" then asked if he knew who Mom was, again, "Yes" I asked if he knew we loved him very much another "Yes" Then I said that living with us, the people who loved him was home - no matter what building we are in. He seemed to get that.
Mom will ask out of the blue when she's going home...last night she was asking when she gets her bed back - not the hospital bed they just switched out. Other things...
Mud, I'm still hoping your mom's personality flips, like Daddy's did so you guys get along better.
Daddy's mother had Alz. & so did his eldest sister. Daddy couldn't handle his own mother recognizing his wife but not him so we stopped visiting. His sister developed it late & I don't know how bad she got.
Mom's Sicilian great-grandmother had it...her grandkids took turns sleeping with her to keep her from wandering off & she'd wake up & yell at them, "Who are you?? Get out of my bed!" Her grandson, Mom's bachelor uncle, lived with us (well, we moved into his house) his last few years. He always seemed fine & had his routine but if it was interrupted in some way, he'd get confused...they took him on a trip to the mountains, rented a house & he got lost returning to his room from the bathroom (upstairs there were only three rooms, bathroom, his room & Mom & Dad's). Before he stopped friving he got lost and ended up ina Chinese parade! When Mom got him home he didn't recognize anything until they got to his room & she showed him the door - it had a little plaque stating 'Nick's Room' & after a minute he was okay. Thye used to go to Vegas (I worked) or Laughlin. He loved the slot machines but once went into a time warp & thought he was at work. The machine jammed & he went off looking for his supervisor...ended up outside the casino, tripped on the curb, spilling his coins. A kind cab driver picked him up, checked his wallet & found the card Daddy had put in there with the hotel information & took him there. It was before we all had cell phones & I don't know why they had separated in the first place but we kept a closer eye on him after that.
The incident with the tantrum & walker..Mom insisted that she could get out of bed & walk. I couldn't convince her otherwise so I sat back with the video camera & watched as she got herself out of the bed (full rails all the way up), stood on the floor, then yelled for me to help her. I grabbed her gait belt but she was leaning too far forward & I couldnt get it around her & she gently, like someone was holding her, fell backwards, softly , to the floor. She wasn't hurt. I gave her a pillow & left her there until I changed the bedding, moved furniture around & got the hoyer lift in. Then I got her into the swing & back into bed.
She STILL insists that she can & has walked! If she wasn't bedridden, I'd have real problems! LOL
You never know what will click. Routine is important. Constancy is important.
If you're lucky, sometimes you can figure things out but not always.
Mud - I'm like you - I tell Mom the truth & can be blunt - how's this for Daughter of the Year nomination: Mom was telling her massage therapist that she needed to gain weight. Her nurses all told her so. I said that wasn't true. They never would tell her that. The argument began & continued until I finally yelled "YOU'RE DYING!! They would never tell you to gain weight!!"
Boy, was she mad - "What a horrible thing to say - I am not!" Even the massage therapist looked at me funny. I said, "Look, your heart is wearing out - it has to work extra hard. The more you weigh, the harder it has to work so they would NEVER tell you to gain weight!!" I even told her nurse who said "Dorothy, we never said that" Eventually she believed us.
Last night she at least admitted that she often acts like a child, her excuse? "Well, they say your 80's are your second childhood!"
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God bless,
Mary
"I have one child...she's 83..."
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iwanaplae2
Posts: 9
Joined: Aug 2008
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Thursday January 29, 2009 12:16 PM
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It reall does help to know I am not alone.
I get so tired of hearing..."oh you're such a good wife to take care of your MIL" or "your such a good person to do this"...I'm not good! I don't do this because I'm looking for a pack on the back, and I'm definately not doing this cause it's fun! I do this because she needed me, and there wasn't any other "good" options for her. I do this because I love my husband, and would do anything for him. I'm not a saint. And I am human, I have my limitations.....okay vent over...for now 
So far things are going well this morning. She was up bright and early of course, but the way we have the house set up she can't come out of her room/hallway area (bathroom is there too) without going thru our room. And if that door is shut she has to wait....took us a long time to teach her that. The rule is: if this door is shut we are NAKED! Whether we are sleeping, getting dressed, or having sex...either way we are naked...DO NOT OPEN this door! But she also knows that this door gets opened at 7am...she is still learning patience for that...if it's not open right at 7, she's pacing the hallway, or tapping on the door....or God forbid, that pittiful voice "can I come oooout???"...augh!!! I guess it's to much to ask for a few moments of peace when I first wake up....
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Tired, cranky, and feeling stuck...
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Maryelf
Posts: 439
Joined: Nov 2008
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Friday January 30, 2009 1:00 AM
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Oh, plae -
I'm laughing right now!! I used to love to sleep in the nude but that came to an end when I had to leave my door open all night. Daddy would occasionally come in my room - my bed, a queen sized waterbed with a tall headboard & captain's pedestal is in the mddle of the room, facing the slider, so the back of the headboard faces the door to the hallway. I have a little windchime hung on it. He always bumped the chime so I knew he was there, then he'd peak around the corner of the headboard & say "just looking to see who's here...". It was so sweet. I used to park my car so all he had to do was open the front door to see I was home. What was so funny is I don't remember any other room of mine that he ever came into unless it was to lay linoleum tile!! LOL
Daddy's gone & Mom is bedridden so I should be safe now but I have a key hidden for the volunteer & our regular nurses & aides so they can get in if I'm asleep, in the bathroom or God forbid, unconscious or something. I still have to keep the door open for Mom so we can hear each other or she freaks out.
I know what you mean - Mom loves telling me I'm working my way to heaven...we're Roman Catholic...and some family members & the lady that brings her Holy Communion say I'm a saint... I - don't - think - so. It's the right thing to do. Mom would do it for me. Shoot, she did do some I'm just not comfortable with the praise I guess.
I do know that for whatever reason I have been blessed with the ability to be good at it. Everyone is amazed that Mom's skin is so great - no bedsores at all - and she's been in bed for two years - she rarely even changes position because of the pain it causes. I just figure this is what God wants me to do & He's helping me out a lot.
Okay, I'm still hearing a little old lady saying "Can I come out now?" LOL
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God bless,
Mary
"I have one child...she's 83..."
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uglyasamudfence
Posts: 231
Joined: Jan 2009
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Friday January 30, 2009 4:48 AM
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It's very late, I should be keeping my twisted mind to myself.
Hey, iwanaplae2, having mother in her own room here at my house is my attempt to make this situation bearable. She is not allowed to come into the rest of the house, it isn't safe for any of us for her to do so and her room is self contained. No door, just a curtain. But the rule existed from the time she stepped foot into this house, or I'm sure it never would have worked.
I LEARNED THIS THE HARD WAY.....YOU MUST HAVE PRIVATE SPACE!!!
No sitters, no home health workers....just YOU. SANCTUARY!
or am I just nuts, my "private space" includes my son/children.
Geez, I only meant to leave you a short post to inquire if your mother has any working knowledge of a zombie apocalypse. You could tell her it's best she not come out for a couple hours until you find out how widespread the destruction...better to just shelter in place ya know.
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Caregiver for TBI (at age 20) son for 17 years, bedridden, tube fed, mute, caregiver for my mother with severe dementia/Alzheimer's for 20 months, until her death, Mar/2009. Not so quietly crazy.
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Rachel
Posts: 3
Joined: Nov 2009
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Tuesday November 10, 2009 8:56 AM
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Quote
Originally posted by: iwanaplae2
I understand the feeling that your life is gone...and not that you said it, but I'm sure you have felt "stuck" for sometime now...I know I have. I have been caring for my mother-in-law for 4 years now. Up until the last 6 months it's been in her own home, and me running back and forth several times a day to do what was needed. Her calling at 6am (everyday!) to ask where her breakfast was...or at midnight to tell me she was hungry... <sigh> Last year her dementia had gotten worse, and her diabeties was out of control. So my hubby and I made the decision to move to a larger house and move mom in...This opened a whole other can of worms with the rest of the family. Even though they were never there to help, even when asked, suddenly they have "moms best intrest at heart"...ya whatever! I thought things would get better moving her in...but they have only gotten worse. Now i feel like I can't leave the house for very long, because she wanders and "get's lost" in the house. Because of the dementia and diabetes, there has had to bMy e a lot of "behavioral modification", lots of new rules, and me sounding like the biggest b*tch around. Hubby had to learn a few things too. Like, even though his first instinct is to take moms side, understand that what I do is for her own good.
I know I'm rambling...sorry...
Having Mom here has been a huge strain on our marraige. I love her to death, but now I find myself feeling (guiltily) hoping for the day that she either passes away, or has a stroke or the dementia reaches that violent stage so we can put her in a home....
Hubby doesn't understand what I'm going through. I have tried to share my thoughts and feelings with him, but...we usually end up in a fight about it. So shove it down inside it is...
My heart goes out to you .... I find looking after my own mother stressful enough, I certainly could not (and now knowing how bad it becomes WOULD NOT) do this for my mother in law as well. You need to make sure your husband know what you are going through as ultimately this is not your responsilbilty but his. It's his mother so at the very least he should help you deal with all the emotional stress.
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